Does it seem a struggle to be able to forgive others? Is there someone who is seeking forgiveness that you are withholding? Have you sought forgiveness at some time in your life, only to be turned away, met with a rigid stance rooted in anger? Forgiveness is a tricky thing! Trying to forgive too soon, before we are ready or before remorse has been shown, can feel false or contrived, or as if you are excusing or giving permission for an unwanted behavior to continue. But holding on to grudges and not ever coming to the point of forgiveness, hurts us in many ways and can block us from our own healing and moving forward in our lives with the ability to fully love and trust.
When we hold on to anger, we are the ones who feel its burdens.
We feel its impacts on our bodies with physical tightness, arthritic pain, or stress on our hearts
Our minds hold hurtful thoughts that feed negativity and bitterness
Our emotions have depressive tendencies and angry attitudes.
Without forgiveness, each time we are reminded of the painful event, we reinforce the pain – mental, emotional and physical. As we begin to understand this more deeply, we recognize the importance of finding a new way. And this new understanding in and of itself, is a first step towards forgiveness as it allows for choice, for a shift in perspective, and for a new way to emerge.It takes courage to think about forgiveness when someone has hurt us. Common questions about forgiveness arise such as:
How do I forgive when someone who has hurt me so badly?
Even if I want to forgive, how do I get past the pain to do so?
Isn’t my forgiveness saying it was alright for the person to have done that bad thing to me?
I shouldn’t have to forgive, don’t they deserve to be punished?
While these are valid questions to work through, try taking the radical step of shifting your attention away from the person or situation and towards yourself. Ask these same questions with a slightly different focus:
How does holding on to my anger continue to hurt me? You can answer this question by focusing on the person or situation in your mind’s eye and become aware of how your body feels, how your breath changes, how your emotions become shaded. Immediately you can see, sense or feel how it impacts you. The question then becomes, do I want to allow that person or situation to keep holding the power to hurt me?
How does replaying the hurtful event block the path to forgiveness? An option to try is to focus on the main image of the hurtful event or situation, but this time, “freeze frame” that image in your mind and with active imagination envision it in a balloon of light that you are holding on to, and watch as you allow yourself to let it go…watch as the balloon’s light carries it up to the brightest light, perhaps the sun, until you can no longer see it. “Replaying” this vision instead, as often as you think of the event, creates a new mindset. Over time and with willing intention to let go, you will find that you are no longer replaying the old negativity in your mind!
Does my “letting go” really tell the person it was ok to hurt me? Thinking about the previous exercise in letting go, did you actually tell the person anything? No, but what you did do was take a healthy step in allowing the negativity to be released. This opens a new internal space that you can now fill however you choose! One option is to now hold the image of a person or situation that brings to you great joy or love. Following the release of the balloon, bring that image to your mind and take a few slow and deep breaths as you remember and re-experience those wonderful feelings! The more you are filled with great love and joy, the lower energies of negativity (anger and grudge-holding) can no longer take root.
Do I really have (or want) the power to punish another? At first, while you are still holding on to the pain, anger and negativity, it may feel as though you do! However, as you begin to feel the differences after letting go and filling with the energy of love and joy, the need to want to hurt another diminishes. It becomes clear that hurtful actions bring hurtful consequences, whether in the mind, the emotions or the body. This means you now have choice to engage with hurtful people or not, just like you have the choice to engage with hurtful thoughts and emotions…or not!!
Thinking about forgiveness in these ways is very different! It opens a path for your own growth and healing, as you no longer give away your power and even your health in ways that do not serve you!
Much Love and Many Blessings,Cheryl and Lynnsacredhealingjourney.com