Boundaries Create Safe Space for Intimacy
Intimacy…
Imagine showing up for a workshop with 20 strangers to explore the embodied presence of intimacy. If you feel some trepidation at the thought of it, you’d be just like the rest of us sitting in the circle where I found myself today. Trepidation, caution, anxiety and fear were expressed by almost everyone in the opening share about the unknown that lay before us; and yet here we all were.
We’d all been drawn to explore embodied presence around the energetics of intimacy, yet there was fear as well.
A push and a pull—drawn, wanting, craving perhaps, connection with oneself and or another human being that felt warm and genuine… safe.
We didn’t name our fears; we simply noticed them—noticed how they showed up in the body, naming the place and sensation. Observing the polarity of intimacy and fear… feeling into the wanting around the most basic of human needs— Connection.
Connection is part of our earliest survival; it’s hard wired into our nervous systems. Without connection we could not have survived infancy. This is part of what so many of us are in the process of recovery from—faulty connection in our earliest years.
At the workshop today, for the majority of two hours, 20 scared and yet open beings, moved around a circle looking deeply into each other’s eyes, feeling the energetic presence of one another’s hearts, supporting each other, ever so gently, in opening and softening to love. For 120 minutes, we practiced BEING LOVE… being held in love and or holding another in love, mostly without touching, and with very little talking. With eyes open, eyes closed, receiving and giving. There were tears, there was laughter, lots of smiles, and amazing miraculous open hearted connection! Amongst strangers.
What made it safe? BOUNDARIES.
Instruction on boundaries was given up front which we all agreed to and felt comfortable with. As well we had permission to add our own boundaries at any time. We were given the opportunity over and over again to say what we needed.
This is part of what many of us missed out on in childhood—the opportunity to have a voice, be seen and heard. Be respected.
In the workshop one thing was clear, your comfort was what mattered. You mattered. Boundaries made everyone present safe.
Within this sense of safety, our fears fell away, hearts opened, and love was incredibly accessible.
Boundaries create space for a sense of safety. You can’t know if you’re safe until you can feel inside yourself. Safety makes it possible to slow down and check in with your inner awareness—sensations and emotions. When safe, we are organically open to connection.
Intimacy is a big wide field of open hearted space. It’s an energetic connection between you and you, or you and another, a space in which you feel held, seen, and cared for… a space in which you feel free to be exactly as you are.
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